For those who go on a diet and want to be skinny, WHAT DID YOU DO???

I think I'm getting crazy for my body. Why do I get so skinny?

There are so many rude cliques in my school. I'm so sick of them. They don't see anyone in their eyes. When they talk they only insult or comment other people. I feel plain "hate" about them. I want them disappear.

But I'm not going to finish them. Because I am feeling so damn sick. These days I feel like I am dreaming. I don't know what I am doing. I try to wake myself up with music and TV but it doesn't work at all. I don't want to do anything: I don't want to do my homework I don't want to sleep I don't want to listen to music I don't want to do ANYTHING!

I think I'm sick. All the bad things happened to me and awful memories flash in my head again and again, and I'm not interested in everything. I don't know what to do.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME??

Me?

I'm bored. Not because I have nothing to do. But I have too many things to do.Like those stupid assignments that will make you insane. I feel hot and dizzy and I don't want to do anything involves brain work. I don't know what to do.

BORED!

I'm sorry that I swear in this post. But I am AnGRY!!

I get quite angry on my classmates. School has just started, but I already feel a little bit hatred on them. Some of them are being naive. They stereotype me as a"porno", "a porn crew" because in form 1 the teacher asked me to sit with the porno guys for few months. At first, I didn't what they were talking about at all, but soon I did [some pornography things]. Since I've sat with them, people think that I am one of the "porn crews". But actually I didn't talk about porn things so much, and many other students who haven't sat with the porno guys talk about porn more than me. But they are still being very fucky and calling me "porno".

This year I sit with one of the porno again. The classmates start to making fun on me for that. But acutally I am INNOCENT in this case, okay?? I wasn't being porno at ALL! The girl sits behind me, I thought she was kind, but she says that I am erotic and the MOST erotic girl in school IN FRONT OF ME. That makes me extremely angry!

I am INNOCENT!!!

And those bitchy slutty girls who have long bangs and short skirts are rude to me. They don't respect me. They speak impolitely even I aren't arguing with them at all.

I think many of the classmates are not respecting me, especially the "annoying loud arrogant" girls. They speak so loudly, and they insult in front of me. They talk about gossips and rumors. I don't understand them at all.

Some of the bitchy girls were my friend, but now they are becoming naive and descriminative.

What's wrong with them? They think it's funny? Oh yeah they are a bunch of garbage in my eyes now.  They are making gangs and teaching each other the wrong thing, they like to make the others down and make themselves higher.

It's time to show that I am a respective person too. I want others' RESPECT.

I nearly vomitted after looking at them...

MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!!!!

I first heard the name of this book from an album by doom metal group Saturnus, then I saw The Alchemist in school, and the film and opera of The Alchemist came out too. Then I know Veronika Decides To Die is coming out in film version. So I think Paulo Coelho is a very well-known writer. And the story seemed quite interesting when I read reviews online. So I decided to buy it.

I wanted to know the ending so I started looking at the furthur pages.

But I saw the words

"pleasure, virgin"

then

"naked"

then

"masturbate, genitals" [ewwwwwww]

[I closed the book and didn't read any further]

I can't judge if the book is porno or not.

But I don't want to read it anymore. I don't like things going to sex related. I hate books or movies with sex scenes. It's very very gross to me.

They can do it at home. Why they put it on TV screen? Or print it out?

Today I was searching photos on a website [it isn't google or yahoo] and suddenly there are many nude photos. They are sick and they pollute my mind.

A day I went to a forum and one person likes a band Genitoturers very much. She posted a video called Flesh Is The Law. And it is very gross and porno

Damn my eyes are polluted.

I'm sorry if there are typing/grammar mistakes in this post.

Recently, I get very angry with newspaper and television. Most of the newspaper have titles like "sex", "rape", "dismember", "blood", and it seems like only THESE words can attract people to read them. And the television, is teaching kids the wrong things. They are like, having sex with a person in a bar, or having sex with your girlfriend every night. I am sick of this. They are always making exaggerated and fake things. Because when people see a title like "A 10 years old girl being raped, and dissected" [I don't know how did they get the information], they get curious. You can NEVER see anything like that in your daily life. You can't discuss that either. So they put that kind of thing on the first page.

For example, MTV [I'm sorry MTV but this is my comment]. Their music videos are okay. But the TV shows are usually porno and gore.

And the television. Gossip Girl [I'm sorry GG fans but this is my opinion], the main characters are still kids but they are flirting and kissing and ... what?? And the TV shows [and their main character are 16 years old] are always about sexual intercourse. It seems like having sex with somebody is a very simple thing that you can have it with somebody you have just known. I think teenage pregnancy occurs so much because of the TV.

The newspaper, is exaggerated. I don't know which really happens which aren't true. They like to repeat words "kill", "sex" again and again. They only emphasis the bad things, but don't put good things.

The magazine, is porno. They always talk about celebrities' boob size and so on. The covers are dirty. 

I don't know what should I say to my child about this when I have one. I'm a victim of the media. I don't want my offsprings' minds be polluted like mine. I don't know how to response to them when they see the word "anal sex" from the newspaper.

These "news" and stories have appeared in my mind too much. Take them out of me!

By the way, here's some of my fave quotes from songs.

Final Product by Nevermore [I know Nevermore's lyrics are a bit negative, but they are right in this song]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGfQeIdbdmo

"The media loves the latest tragic suicide

They exploit it, then package it and profit from the people who die

Look at the world, look at the hell, look at the hate that we've made

Look at the final product, a world in slow decay"

Where is Love by BEP [I've heard this song recently in a shop, and it reminds of the of lyrics]

"Wrong information always shown by the media

Negative images is the main criteria Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria

Kids wanna act like what they see in the cinema"  

thx for reading! xxx

I'm going to have exam tomorrow, and it's quite important.

but I'm still can't escape from the hell I created in my mind.

I can't do anything.

My brain doesn't seem working.

I think I'm going to see a doctor on Saturday,

but I afraid more troubles will come out.

There's something triggers inside my mind all the time. It's annoying me.